


Forgiveness

by LexiTheDoubleedge



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Communication is Awesome but Difficult, Inspired by pornfic but is not itself porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-23 05:31:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiTheDoubleedge/pseuds/LexiTheDoubleedge
Summary: Emma would do almost anything if it would get Taylor to forgive her.But... that was the catch right there, wasn't it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Reconciliation Through Pony Training](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533813) by [kamenhero25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamenhero25/pseuds/kamenhero25). 



> It's entirely possible I've picked up an obsession.
> 
> Well, that's normal, and not cause for concern as long as it doesn't last longer than three years* or so.
> 
> *Not guaranteed to be measured in Earth years.
> 
> Note that while I've marked this as inspired by "Reconciliation Through Pony Training" and use some of it's setup, it's really just the latest in a string of stories using a similar idea and I'm essentially trying to respond to them all. Different fandoms, different characters, different fetishes... same key element driving me over the edge. For more detail, see the notes at the end of chapter 1.

"So, yes. If you really want me to forgive you, there's going to be some weird sex things," Taylor said.

I poked through the box some more. Huh. "And you'd be willing to do anything sex-related at all with me? Even after what I did to you?"

"Yes," she replied flatly.

I set the box down. "You know, if it was just that, maybe it would be okay." I walked over and put my arms around her shoulders. "I never actually thought you were ugly, you know? Just another big lie, mixed in with all the other big lies." I could feel her shaking.

"Emma, what the-"

For a moment, my lips brushed gently against hers. I wondered, did they taste salty from my tears? "But you don't have to push yourself so hard. I'm not worth it. And... if I make you do this, you'll never forgive me for it." I let go, and started walking for the door. "I know it might sound hollow, but I promise I won't tell anyone about any of this."

I didn't even have to think about it to know just how I could hurt Taylor even more with what I'd seen here. I just knew it. It was effortless. Just that on it's own said something terrible about me, I think.

"Emma!" Taylor called out.

I should just go.

But I wasn't that strong.

"I'll leave you my number, okay? In case you want to ask me anything, or... I don't know." I wrote it down quickly on a piece of scrap paper that I found, set it down... and left.

***

I made it as far as the front step before I just crumpled.

Part of me wanted to go back in there right now and beg for... I don't even know. Whatever would let us have what we used to have again.

But she'd always resent that I'd put her in a position where this seemed like her best response. And I'd resent her too. Even if I liked whatever that stuff was for, I wouldn't be happy that she'd pushed me into it, without caring about my own interests or desires. And it would all fester until one or the other of us started tearing into the other over it, and we'd be back where we started and worse.

Better if I just never spoke with her again.

But I couldn't accept that either. Not when I'd only just realized what I'd thrown away.

I was stuck. There was no way forward, only different ways to hurt each other.

I don't know how long I just sat there, lost in my own thoughts. I only broke out of it when Taylor's dad drove up.

He'd already gotten out of the car before he noticed me sitting there. "Emma, is that you? It's been ages since you last visited." Then he took in the look on my face. "... Did you and Taylor have a fight?"

Oh god.

She never told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this was inspired by a story involving a specific set of sex things, I've deliberately been vague because it doesn't really matter what they are. It could be the sex things from several stories with similar plotlines I've run into, or it could be as many of my favorite sex things as would fit in a suitably sized box, and this would still be the same, because it would still be -really fucking coercive-.
> 
> In the long run I think it'd grate on Taylor too, but that's not as important as the part where it's [not real consent](http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/05/real-consent.html). (Even if Emma expresses different priorities in the story.)


	2. Chapter 2

I wondered what Taylor was doing now.

If she was even half as off balance as I was, she might not have put away everything that she'd rather her dad not see, or heard him driving up. I could send her a text...

If she had a cell phone. Which I'm pretty sure she didn't. And if she had, we'd have probably stolen or broken it anyway.

But Mr. Hebert hadn't rolled up the window when he'd gotten out of the car.

I got up and staggered over. I wasn't faking that - I'd been sitting in a bad position where I was. Tripping and 'accidentally' slapping the horn button through the window was fake though.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the visor mirror while I was at it. Wow, I looked like shit. But I saw movement at Taylor's window. She definitely knew her dad was home now. Great job Emma.

Of course now Mr. Hebert looked even more worried. "Okay, there's obviously something wrong. I think you'd better come inside and-"

"No!" I interjected. "I'm fine, I just need to stretch out a bit. And Taylor... didn't do anything to me."

He didn't look like he bought it. To be fair, I wouldn't have bought it either, if I'd been looking at me.

_If Taylor hasn't told him, it's because she doesn't want him to know, and I shouldn't say anything either._

_If I don't say anything, he'll think -Taylor- did something to -me-._

_I'm the last person who has the right to make this choice for Taylor!_

_Inaction is also a choice!_

Okay, that was getting me nowhere. Any other ideas?

_Tell the truth._

Yeah. I could do that. "Taylor didn't do anything to me," I repeated, before taking a deep breath. "It's all me. I'm the one that's been bullying Taylor."

***

Later that evening, my cell rang. "Hello?"

"Why?" It was Taylor.

"You'll need to narrow that down some," I replied. I could think of plenty of things she could be asking me that about.

"Why did you tell my dad?"

"It was the only way I could be sure that he wouldn't think -you- had done something to hurt -me-."

There was a long pause.

"Thanks for the warning."

Click.

I hoped I hadn't done the wrong thing.


	3. Chapter 3

I was alone at lunch today.

That was pretty unusual. Doing the 'Queen Bee' thing wasn't exactly a full time job, but it required regular maintainence, and lunch was the time to do most of it. Honestly, it was starting to not seem worth it anymore. Except for one thing.

Most of the girls weren't really invested in bullying Taylor. It was just a way to curry favor, and it shouldn't be difficult to detach them from it... as long as my favor was still desirable. Remove that, and I imagine some would start going after Taylor on their own just out of habit.

I was starting to really not want to spend more time around a lot of these people. I'd do it anyway, but I just wasn't feeling up to it right now.

I don't think Madison really fit in the 'currying favor' group, but I wasn't really sure what drove her either. Still, I was pretty sure she'd follow my lead here. That just left the one real wildcard.

Sophia.

She didn't care about the little games of social status and popularity. But she did care about me.

Reminded me a lot of how Taylor used to be, actually.

And Sophia was definitely invested. I don't know if it's because she saw Taylor as a rival for my time and attention, or if there was something else, but she had her own reasons. If I wanted her to stop, I'd need something more than 'because I don't want you to anymore'. And I doubted I could expect "because it's wrong" to gain much traction.

I just hoped I could do it without losing her too.

Either way, I needed to think fast, because she was walking over to me right now.

And I could feel Taylor's eyes on me. She hadn't said anything to me, but if there was a time and place for me to prove that I was serious about wanting it all to stop, this was it. I didn't know if Sophia had even noticed her. This was the first time Taylor had been seen in the cafeteria in a long time.

She sat down in the chair opposite me. "Hey, Ems, you feeling okay?" No, not really. "You've seemed down all morning. Haven't even suggested anything new for..." and I could see her eyeing Taylor. So she did notice.

"Is there a point?" I replied.

She frowned. "A point?"

"Value? Purpose? Whatever you want to call it. Sophia, we've been beating up on Taylor for two years. Has it actually made you feel stronger, or safer, or whatever else you get out of it? Provided any measurable benefit to your life?" I sighed. "Because it hasn't done that for me. There's no point. I'm done."

I stood up. Hadn't finished all my lunch, but I wasn't feeling hungry anymore. "Don't expect me to cover for you if you keep going after her either. I can't... I just can't do it anymore."

Then I left the cafeteria, leaving a stunned Sophia behind me.

And I hadn't even gotten into the idea that I was trying to restore my friendship with Taylor. I'd burn that bridge when and if I came to it.

***

Taylor called me again that night. "Why -did- you do it, anyway?" she asked. This time, I was pretty sure I knew what she meant.

"Because I wanted to stop being afraid," I replied.

Silence.

"It sounds like some kind of new age bullshit, you know? Leaving your past behind and all that. But somewhere in there, it became destroying my past instead... and my past was you."

"Did it work?"

"No. It never really got better. Sometimes I convinced myself it had for a while... but it never stuck."

There was another long pause, but before I could think of anything else to say, Taylor finally spoke again. "... What happened to you, Emma?"

"It'll just sound like I'm making excuses."

"I don't think it counts when I come right out and asks you."

So I told her. The alley. The ABB. The rescue. All the things I hadn't been able to bring myself to tell her before.

(Okay, there were some things I didn't tell her about Shadow Stalker. I think she'd understand. Outing a cape is something you just don't do.)

Finally, it was over.

"I wish you'd told me," Taylor said.

"I wish I'd told you too."

Another pause.

"I'm sorry, Emma. You didn't deserve to have something like that happen to you."

I'd managed to keep my composure up until that point, but when she said that... it just broke me. It was like all the tears I'd refused to shed since the alley were coming out at once.

I didn't even realize I'd dropped my phone until mom came in, wanting to know what was wrong.

***

But...

That night was the first in months that my sleep wasn't troubled by nightmares.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, Emma?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah?"

"What did you mean when you said that if it was just that, it might be okay?"

I had to think back a bit before I realized what she was talking about. "Well... you could always have asked me to go on a date with you." I'd have gone for that in a heartbeat. Not really because I was specifically interested in Taylor - though I hadn't lied about thinking she was attractive. But even if it hadn't worked out, it shouldn't have made things worse.

Of course, that didn't mean I wasn't going to ham it up a little.

"A date?"

"Mmmhm. We could have gone out and had dinner. Go to a club if you were interested, or see a movie. Maybe the mood would feel right afterwards, and one of us would invite the other in. We'd sit down on the couch and turn the TV on to something we weren't really interested in watching. One of us would get a hand under the other's shirt." I paused for a moment to let that sink in. "And then your dad or my mom would walk in, everything would get super awkward, and we wouldn't be able to look at each other without blushing for weeks."

I heard an odd noise over the phone, and for a moment I was afraid I'd said something to make her mad.

Then I realized she was laughing.

Finally it trickled off, and I heard her take a deep breath. "I think I can probably do without -that- part of the Teenage Experience," she said.

"Yeah, it's a lot more fun to joke about than it is to do."

"Speaking from experience?"

"... Yes," I admitted.

"Anyone I know?"

"Taylor?"

"Was it your hand, or your shirt?"

"Taylor!"

I heard more laughter.

I couldn't believe how good it felt just hearing that again.


	5. Chapter 5

"Emma?" Taylor asked. "Why do I keep calling you?"

"I'm not sure I know?"

"... Yeah. Me neither." Taylor yawned. "Well, I think it's time for me to get to bed. Talk to you later."

"Mm. Me too, probably." How long had we been talking, anyway? "Good night, Taylor."


	6. Chapter 6

I smiled when I heard my phone start playing the ringtone I'd set up for Taylor. (I suppose it could have been her dad, since I knew it was a house phone, but he never called me.) I quickly grabbed it and hit the answer button. "Hi Taylor!"

"Hi. Are you busy Friday evening?" she asked.

"Hmmm... not really. Why?"

"There's a theater running a late showing of the full 'Altairian Conspiracy' trilogy to celebrate the release of the finale. Want to go?"

I thought about it. I had liked the first movie a lot. Never had seen the second, since it had come out at a bad time. Maybe it was time to fix that. "Sure."

"And you can buy the popcorn," Taylor added.

"Keeping you in popcorn for a triple feature? I don't think my allowance can handle that."

"Emma..." she replied, mock-stern.

I laughed. "So, where should we meet up?"


	7. Epilogue

Danny blinked, suddenly awake and not sure why. He could hear the wind from outside a bit, but that wouldn't have woken him up. If something had been creaking or banging, it wasn't doing so now.

He was, however, thirsty.

Maybe he'd get some juice before trying to get back to sleep.

As he passed through the living room, he noticed that the couch had an occupant. No, occupants. He frowned at seeing Emma there next to his daughter. After what she'd admitted to doing...

On the other hand, Taylor was the one who had experienced it, and still felt comfortable inviting Emma into their home now. And she'd been a lot happier since whatever had happened between the two on that previous visit. So long as that trend continued, he'd hold his peace.

He went to the linen closet, pulled out a blanket, and put it over the two, before resuming his interrupted trip to the kitchen.

Behind him, Taylor squirmed a little and leaned into Emma a bit more. Emma responded by murmuring something incomprehensible and squeezing Taylor's hand for a moment. Neither came even close to truly waking up.

**Forgiveness  
 ~~The End~~  
...is an ongoing process.**

**Author's Note:**

> It might sound a bit silly given how short this story is, but to me it feels like it grew rather larger than what was, to be honest, something thrown together in a fit of pique. (I mean, I'm still firmly of the belief that the things I'm calling out as consent issues are such, but.)
> 
> Still, sometimes it's not about the number of words in a story, but in how many times you randomly burst into tears while at work thinking about which words to use. At least if you're me.
> 
> This story owes a great deal, in spirit at least, to JinglyJangles' [Glassmaker](https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/glassmaker-worm-complete.433391/), which by sheer coincidence I ended up rereading around the time I started this story. I may wonder about that Taylor sometimes... but she definitely asks some of the right questions.
> 
> It might be disappointing to some that this story doesn't go into Emma/Taylor shipping territory, but my plan was always for it to be about them rebuilding their friendship rather than romance... even if it's a bit of a flirty friendship at times. If I decide to follow up on these two, I'll do it under a different title (and, one would hope, with a different narrative style).


End file.
